There is a famous adage within the black community that is passed down from generation to generation and continues to ring true. “ You have to be twice as good to get half of what they have.”
Scandal is one of my favorite shows, and they cover this idea with such specificity and capture the emotion behind it so well every time I see it it gives me chills. The contacts can be different, but the sentiment remains the same.
There’s no such thing as a perfect person much less a perfect politician. But I can’t help but notice that the requirement of perfection is not necessary for everyone.
My entire life I’ve never not been aware of my blackness. I’ve never not been aware of my womanhood. As my clients often hear me say, two things can be true. My blackness and my womanhood feels like a privilege while it can also feel like a barrier. Again, two things can be true. I am constantly reminded of this when my determination isn’t viewed as diligence or when my ambition lacks admiration.
When I first learned that Vice President Kamala Harris would be running for president I felt such a deep wave of pride and hope! As a fellow 2x HBCU grad, this is the dream realized. As a woman from a single parent household, this is the affirmation that broken homes do not create broken people. The honor that it is to be able to run for president as a black woman. The energy and excitement was palpable. My excitement grew as she campaigned, because maybe, just maybe this time, being qualified, educated and experienced would be enough.
I encouraged my clients to be hopeful. I encouraged women to be hopeful. I encouraged black women to be hopeful.
The sexism, ageism and racism that I’ve experienced throughout my history of employment pales in comparison. To watch her be attacked for months about her looks, her racial identity, her heritage, her laugh, her name… this was beyond disrespectful. It was hurtful and harmful, and served as a reminder that being qualified isn’t enough for women.
The idea that the President of the United States would need to be charming or soft is truly asinine and not a requirement of any previous president. The idea that the president of the United States needs to be fashionable is concerning.
Kamala not winning the election is a reminder that being twice as good to get half as much is just the baseline. It doesn’t promise you anything and unfortunately, it won’t save you either. Credentials, experience and education are not things that can be debated. Facts are facts.
To all of the black women I understand how you feel. I see you, I hear your frustrations and I want to remind you to rest.
If you are currently feeling fearful because you or someone you love is; an immigrant, undocumented, pregnant, pursuing IVF, wanting to start a family, a trans person, a person of the LBGTQIA+ community, a black person, a person of color, a small business owner, a govt employee, an entrepreneur who depends on Obamacare, a sexual assault survivor, a person with disabilities or a person in any vulnerable situation who is dependent on assistance.. my heart truly goes out to you. You deserved better. We all deserved better. You get to mourn, you are entitled to feel all of your feelings.
I became a therapist to offer a safe space because I personally understand and value having one and creating one for others.
I hope this message reminds you all that safe spaces still exist and if you don’t have one, please seek one out.
<3 Ashley
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