My mantra heading into the second half of this year will be “I release to renew”. I can’t remember where I was when I first heard this quote, but I feel like it was during a yoga class. Since then, I’ve had this quote in my Notes app and keep revisiting it trying to conceptualize what that means for me and how I can apply this belief in my daily life. In typical fashion if it’s on my lung, it’s on my tongue so I decided to write about it.
I release to renew in work by allowing myself to continue to expand and challenge my thinking, nurturing my inquisitive/creative spirit and prioritizing rest to reset. In graduate school, we learn a lot about the theories and foundational principles of mental health and counseling, and then we start working and we’re applying those things that we have learned and then by virtue, we gain experience and experience, comes grow and allowing yourself to expand upon those theories that you were taught, New theories and allow yourself to grow outside of the one dimensional roll that of a therapist that provides therapy. When I started my journey I was a therapist, then I became a practice owner, then a clinical supervisor, then a group practice owner, then I created my own theoretical framework, a trademark owner, Then a presenter of my framework and my clinical experience at different clinician associations, then a creator of materials. If you have been feeling limited in the title that you have, change the title, expand on the title. Free yourself from who you’ve been told that you are professionally, the limits that has been imposed upon you and allow yourself to be and see how far you can go. For years, I told people that I did therapy until I felt confident calling myself a therapist… what I didn’t realize was that every time I miss represented myself by mitigating my title, and only speaking to the service. It kept me locked in a space of insecurity without any awareness that I had the key and the door wasn’t locked. I say this to say, open the door now, you can always close it later.
I release to renew in relationships that no longer serve me. Something that comes up often, and Therapy is the idea of reciprocation specifically as it relates to romantic and platonic relationship relationships. The idea of not back the same energy, effort, loyalty, interest, care, love is something that we all seek, and can appreciate when we feel it and can truly offer insight in its absence. To be able to recognize the relationships that I have in my life that are no longer serving me, I kinda had to make a list (because I’m a visual person) and place people in add and subtract categories; people that reciprocate and people that take. Those people that pour into me, respect my values and boundaries. Share similar theories about Friendships and show up for me not in identical ways but reciprocal ways. Sometimes people confuse reciprocity with the idea that it has to be given back to you and the exact same format that it was given, which is not within the definition of reciprocity. Typically people don’t keep count of what you’ve done for someone and how they repay you and kind, relationships are based on how someone makes you feel and how you make them feel and typically people keeping score start keeping score because they noticed that a relationship is no longer equally yoked and they’re running their own single blind experiment… which relationship value I would for communication first :). When making my list and recognizing the relationships, I can identify ad value. It became increasingly apparent of the relationships that I continue to hold that no longer served the purpose that they once did. I was having a conversation with one of my clients about friendship and as they described what they did versus what the other person did while identifying their relationship as best friends, it was apparent that they were that person's “best friend” and that person operated more in the role of a “friend” to them. It was an illuminating conversation for both of us as we reflected on the impact of sometimes due to time/length of friendships we maintain titles that are no longer accurate. So, when you’re looking at these relationships that don’t reciprocate or ring the same value to your life, that it once did You have options. You can always end relationships or you can reassign the titles for those people that you would like to keep in your life in an effort to mitigate some of that frustration and other feelings that may currently be present due to having expectations that do not match the role. Part two of this is the honesty in reflection about what you have been telling yourself about why you have kept the relationship or maintain a title for someone when it’s obvious that they haven’t clocked in for a shift in a while. Typically for myself, Remaining tethered to an old friendship/relationship is based around my beliefs and values as it relates to friendship, nostalgia and at times an absurd amount of grace and understanding I have extended, but upon reflection hasn’t been extended to me. They call it radical honesty because it’s hard and requires ugly truth and accountability on both sides of the coin. An honest reflection I’m able to release what is no longer serving me, thus providing more space for investing into those relationships that invest in me and welcoming the renewal that comes with everytime I free myself from doing what I’ve always done by acknowledging that I evolve and my life is evidence of that evolution.
I release it to renew for healing. I’ve done this through Therapy, quiet reflections, journaling, traveling/exploring, sage when necessary and prioritizing joy. Therapy allows me the space to be reminded that I am a beautifully crafted work in progress. It’s a space where I don’t need answers and allows perspective and insight into my why’s and clarity on my purpose. That purpose truly to exist. As a therapist you spend a lot of time in your head and you spend A LOT of time talking and listening that you crave quiet, stillness, reflection without action- journaling provides that. Exploring is free and can happen anywhere at any time, it requires no planning, no destination and is always accessible which I love! Traveling requires more, and the reflections I return with are priceless. The experiences that trigger new thoughts, critical thinking, seeking comfort in discomfort and forced mindfulness is restorative for me. It provides the inspiration and purpose that is not always tangible in my daily life (I just returned from travel thus this blog 🤭). My 2023 resolution was to prioritize finding and maintaining my joy through new and old experiences. Everything is an experience to and for me because that’s how I categorize living. I choose the “add on” with every task no matter how mundane because I want a life that sparkles, a life that excites and a life that is centered around my enjoyment and freedom of self expression.
Stop waiting for a special occasion. Today is the special occassion. Go, start, enjoy!
I hope this helps someone, somewhere in some way :)
<3 Ashley
Musical Selection: I Forgive Myself & I Release by Geminelle
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