Accommodation and Its Imposter: Avoidance by Waseem Amin, LPC

Our understanding and accommodation of neurodivergence has vastly improved in recent years. Now more than ever, we have information to help us put puzzle pieces together that were previously adrift. We’ve also been layering this understanding with our efforts to destigmatize mental health, allowing self-compassion to replace the once entrenched shame and misinformation that saturated our communities. 

As we continue to take these important steps forward, we learn to resolve some issues while new ones of increasing complexity arise. One such topic is how to address neurodivergence in all of its gifts, challenges, overlap with disability, and accompanying nuances. Now that we have established how neurodiversity is a matter of difference rather than inherent deficits, we can engage in more advanced conversations about how to work with these differences. 

First and foremost, I want to emphasize that the objective here is not to “push through” regardless of the challenges rooted in neurodivergence. Similarly to how we would never ask someone with chronic pain to just ‘push through’ that pain so as to fit into able-bodied spaces, it is unreasonable to pressure someone with ADHD, for example, to just ‘power through’ the obstacles created by their condition. Challenges with memory, timeliness, impulsivity, and executive function are seriously disruptive limitations with established functional and structural explanations. Naturally, then, what someone with such challenges needs is accommodations and support, not being shamed or scared into white-knuckling their way to neurotypical standards. 

This is where awareness of how accommodation and avoidance manifest becomes especially important. Continuing with our example of ADHD, executive dysfunction is a very real challenge for folks living with this condition. However, painting with a broad brush and assuming that a person with ADHD could never develop consistent executive functioning is an unfair overcorrection. It loops back to the same level of misunderstanding we had around invisible disability a few decades ago, only it resigns to helplessness instead of assuming the absence of any limitations. In practice, however, it becomes just as disempowering. 

Disability is a complex equation, one that requires room for both recognition of limitations as well as the inherent human need for growth and self-actualization. Applying this perspective to neurodivergence means avoiding the pitfall of black and white thinking and instead meeting the person where they are. The person with ADHD who struggles with punctuality does not benefit from being told “your time blindness means you just can’t manage your time, and that’s okay”. Not only is this statement deflating and arguably condescending, but it also leans heavily into avoidance. This response presents itself as accommodation, but it actually meets the challenge with surrender, which can eventually translate to feeling helplessness and stuck. A much more hopeful alternative is “your time blindness isn’t a personality flaw; it means you need help figuring out planning and scheduling”. The truth about many of these challenges is that they are not deterministic or set in stone. They often belong with skillsets that can be intentionally practiced and improved as part of compensatory strategies. Although there are definitely factors involved that are beyond our control, extrapolating this conclusion onto all characteristics of the condition is not accommodation. It’s avoidance cleverly camouflaged as empathy. 

We have definitely progressed as a society when it comes to trusting each person as the expert on themselves. When someone says “I have ADHD and struggle with procrastination because of it”, most of us tend to believe them instead of minimizing or denying their reality — a response that was all too common, and not even that long ago. This improvement encourages optimism, and it makes me believe we’re ready to augment our empathy with better-informed understanding. Let’s make a habit of practicing curiosity and openness, including in our conversations about neurodivergence. We can deepen our knowledge of both the corresponding challenges and how to provide meaningful support, creating space for neurodivergence to exist judgment-free while also facilitating personal growth and fulfillment. 

Waseem Amin, LPC

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Email: WaseemAmin.apc@gmail.com